I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
