I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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