I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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