My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
