matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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