I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
