Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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