I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
