I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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