Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
