Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
