Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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