Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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