new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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