He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someone shattered a urinal.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
