To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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