So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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