I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
