Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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