I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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