I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
