i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
