I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
