Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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