I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
