What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
