She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
