I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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