...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
