I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
