Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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