Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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