He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
