The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
