just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My first STD was from a foam party
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize