I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
