I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
