Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
