I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Randomize
