in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
