It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
