You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
