hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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