one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
