i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
