Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
