Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
