was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
