YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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