i don't plan on having that self control this summer
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
