K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This pandemic, itโs making everyone horny. Iโve got dick stashed all over town
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