It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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