What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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