wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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