You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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