A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
