Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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