Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
