guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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