He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
