is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
