Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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