what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize