what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
