I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
