I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
