: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
