Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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