If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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