Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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