I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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