He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
