I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
