My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
