I puked a lego.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
