she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
