You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
