hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
