ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
