I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
