you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
