i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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