So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
