so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
