i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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