Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
