Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
