i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
